just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
