Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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