Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
