My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
