If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
