walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I need to align my fucking chakras
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
