I hate your face
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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