I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
