then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
