He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You made out with two different species that night
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
