Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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