It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize