Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
