god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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