Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
