She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
