i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
