I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
