Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
