oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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