I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
