Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
