This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize