soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
