Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize