you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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