let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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