i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
