If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
