Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Someone shit on the floor
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
