i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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