That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize