you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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