threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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