you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize