does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sext me about skeletons
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
