I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
