tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize