He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
