do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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