He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
