Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
