i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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