shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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