like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
