every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize