I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
