Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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