i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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