I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize