Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
