i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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