how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
