I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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