Please, let me fuck your mom
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
