It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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