We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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