just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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