I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
