u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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