Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
