Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
