He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
