$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Of course I have a pirate flag
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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