There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
