Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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