dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
