the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
