You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just want to make out with him forever
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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