Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
