New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
