How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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