I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
